My Life Has Killed the Dream I Dreamed
by Gleeauthor11
Summary: Takes place right after the scene between Rachael and Shelby in the season finale. What if Shelby had a different reason for abandoning Rachael the second time.


A/N: Takes place right before Rachael leaves after her talk with Shelby in the season finale. What if Shelby had a different reason for distancing herself.

My Life Has Killed the Dream I Dreamed

Tears collected in Rachael's eyes but she blinked them away as she walked toward the door. Her mother didn't want her and she had to face that truth, even if it made her want to cry and scream. But a low moan caught her attention and she turned to see Shelby sink to the couch, a hand on her forehead. Whether it was impulse or something else, Rachael ran to her.

"Shelby, are you okay?" She put a hand on Shelby's knee, waiting for her to look at her. "What's wrong?"

Shelby slowly lifted her head, her face etched in pain. "No," she whispered, "I..I'm not okay."

Rachael's heart started to pound. "What is it? What can I do?" She took a seat beside Shelby. "I know you don't want me in your life but let me at least help you, or call someone. You look like you're in a lot of pain."

Shelby squeezed her eyes shut and when she opened them, there were tears in the corners. "I lied," she blurted, her voice weak with pain and exhaustion and she kept her gaze fixed on the floor, her hands folded tightly. "I…what I told you wasn't true. I do want to be a part of your life. But I was scared."

"Me too," Rachael admitted, "But we can help each other. Whatever it is, whatever this pain is, we'll—"

Shelby held up a hand. "Don't. Let me finish or I'll never get this out. I should've told you what was going on from the beginning but I didn't want you to get to know me out of pity or concern. I didn't want you to have to deal with this."

Rachael was starting to feel very annoyed and anxious. "Deal with what? You're not making sense."

"Deal with the fact that in a few days you'll have to deal with having a mother who is blind."

The words rocked Rachael to her core and she pulled back. "Wh…what? What are you talking about?"

Shelby looked at her then, her face pale and sad. "I found out a couple of months ago. I'd been having seizures, several times at practice. Scared my kids half to death. I also started having headaches. So I went to the doctor. Found out it was a brain tumor but not cancer. They said they could cut it out but that it would leave me blind."

"W..what?" Rachael choked out and on impulse, took Shelby's hand in her own. "What happens if you don't have the tumor removed?" she swallowed, wishing she didn't already know the answer. "Y…you die?"

It was a subdued nod. "Yes." Shelby looked at her then, the tears rolling down her cheeks. She quickly wiped them away. "It's why I wanted to distance myself. I didn't want you to have to deal with it. With me. I lost my chance with you. You don't need me. I didn't want to burden you."

"But I do need you. I need you so much more than you can ever possibly know." Rachael's voice cracked but for the first time in a long time she let the tears come. "I need you, Mom," she said tearfully. "I've needed you my whole life."

A sob escaped and Rachael suddenly found herself locked in her mother's arms. She didn't try to pull away but held as tight as she could, as though her life depended on it.

"Shh, baby." Shelby rocked her, tears rolling down her own cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should've never left you….again. I'm not going anywhere."

Rachael looked up, wiping at her eyes. "When is the surgery?" she pulled back from the embrace, keeping her hand firmly locked in her mother's.

"Wednesday. I told them I couldn't do it until after Regionals. I wanted to bring my kids one last time." She put a hand on Rachael's cheek. "You should've won."

Rachael shook her head. "Don't worry about that. It's over and done with. Just focus on you and this surgery. I'm going to be there." When she saw that Shelby was about to protest, she held up a hand. "No. you're not talking me out of this. I have your genes, remember? I can play the stubborn card too. I'm coming and I'm staying with you for as long as you need."

For a moment Rachael thought she was going to object but instead she smiled, pulling Rachael into another hug. She then pulled back, putting a hand on her cheek again. "I just want to sit here and look at you. I won't be able to after Wednesday."

Rachael took Shelby's other hand and placed it on her other cheek. "Not true. You'll be able to see me, even without your sight."

Shelby laughed, taking her hands down. "When did you become so wise?"

Rachael grinned. "I guess its in my blood." She squeezed her mother's hand, wincing at the pain in her mother's eyes. "Come on, you look exhausted and you should rest. If you'll let me I'll drive you home and stay with you."

Shelby shook her head. "Rachael, no. You need to be with the rest of your team. I don't want to take this special night away from you. I'll be fine. I'll stay here until it passes."

Rachael shook her head. "No. I'm driving you home and that's final." Standing, Rachael grabbed her mother's purse off the coffee table, rifling through it until she found the keys. "Come on, let's go."

Shelby sighed and stood. "You are such a mini me," she muttered, following Rachael from the room. "Just drive slow, okay? It's raining outside."

"I will, Mom. Don't worry." Rachael linked her arm through Shelby's and led her outside and to the car.

Shelby slept the entire thirty minute drive to her apartment, at which point Rachael woke her.

"I need your apartment number." She smoothed back a strand of Shelby's hair.

Shelby sat up, groaning. "Building F, apartment two thirteen." She rubbed her eyes. "How long was I asleep?"

"You were out before we even left the parking lot."

Rachael pulled up in front of building F and parked. She then helped her mother inside.

"Sorry about the mess. I don't have time to do housework anymore." Shelby looked at her. "You don't have to stay. I'll be fine. I'm just going to sleep."

Rachael shook her head. "I'm not leaving you alone. I'll stay. Glee club can do without me for a few days." She pointed toward the bedroom. "Go. Go sleep. I'll be here when you wake up."

A smile cut through the pain in Shelby's face. "I love you. So much." Her voice broke and she wrapped her arms around Rachael.

"Shh. I know." Rachael rubbed her back. "I love you too. I always have. Which is why I'm not leaving you in pain by yourself. Now go. Go sleep. I'll make some soup and tidy up a bit."

Shelby nodded. "Soup sounds good, actually. There's several kinds in the pantry. Choose what you want and the pots and pans are in the cabinet under the stove."

"Go." She watched as Shelby headed into the bedroom, closing the door and then set to work. But not before calling Finn.

"Rachael, where are you? You like disappeared." Finn sounded worried, which put a smile on Rachael's face.

Rachael sighed ."I'm at my Mom's. She's really sick, Finn and she has no one but me."

"She didn't look sick at regionals."

"Well she is." Rachael lowered her voice. "Listen, I need to go. I'll call you soon." She hung up before Finn had a chance to respond.

For the next two hours Rachael cooked and cleaned, even making a bed for herself on the couch. She then flipped through the channels on Shelby's TV, stealing a glance at Shelby's closed door.

"Are you sure you're my daughter and not an angel from Heaven?" Shelby walked into the room, a blanket wrapped around her. "What's smells so good?"

Rachael stood up. "Soup. Want some?" Her brow furrowed in concern. "How's your head?"

Shelby sat down on the couch. "Still hurts but not as bad as before. Sleeping helped." She leaned back against the couch. "Rach, you don't have to stay. I'll be fine."

"Remember what I said." Rachael handed her a bowl of soup and then sat down beside her. "I'm not leaving you." She patted her mother's shoulder. "Eat up. I also made some lemonade and fruit."

Shelby smiled at her but Rachael could see the tears in her eyes. "I must've done something right for God to send me such an amazing daughter. You have no idea how much it means to me that you're here. I'm so scared. Or I was. I was terrified of going through this alone, especially about what would happen after."

Rachael leaned her head against her mother's shoulder. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise."


End file.
